Paraguay

This land-locked nation dream of knocking off a big gun at the World Cup, they get their chance in game one versus England and who knows what might happen after that? “Peace and Justice” is Paraguay’s motto but the country was named after water going down a toilet – well almost. The Guarani Indians had nothing to do in naming the country. How this country got off the ground is an odd case. Europeans settled in the area in the 16th century, Spanish explorer Juan de Salazar founding the country in 1537. It was left to Jesuit missionaries to camp around the place and get the locals into scripture and slavery. Paraguay eventually shook off Spanish influences by 1813. Paraguay were hopeless during the 1865-1870 War of the Triple Alliance, Paraguay lost lots of territory and lost males (and at least half its population) - although all these deaths seemed exaggerated at the time. It didn’t stop Paraguay taking land off Bolivia, which led to the Chaco war – it took the League of Nations to sort it out by 1935. War heroes and reformists went head to head, liberals were antagonised provoking revolts leaving thousands dead. It took the army in 1954, under General Stroessner (with a name like that he was prefect for Joseph Heller’s Catch 22) held power for 35 years and unbelievably was rather successful in getting the country up to scratch – but by the end of it his government were criticised for human rights abuses – Stroessner eventually going into exile, has he ever been arrested?

Democracy was Paraguay’s last chance starting in 1993, about the same time as the rest of the Latin Americas. It didn’t stop peasants protesting and striking in annoyance against policies that had been implemented. Assassinations became fashionable especially against anyone who was anti-drugs. There’s always protection for drug barons and drug-lords. At least there were cutbacks in timber exports (if a bear shits in the woods, where can it hide?). Anyway, economic reform has been on the agenda for the last 10 years ensuring the rich get richer and the poor well, they work like dogs you’d expect. Yet civilians made sure that some military personnel went to prison or resigned due to their corruption and incompetency’s – citizens 1 dickheads 0. Abuses of power continued especially against President Cubas in 1999. It didn’t stop the Vice President Luis Maria Argana being gunned down on a street. Cubas didn’t attend the funeral, impeachment proceedings saw him step down – Cubas was given asylum in Brazil – bastard! Those in power shot dead protestors. The military machines of men were still keeping pace.

Power struggles have continued since 1999 – but for all the wrong reasons - arrests, extraditions, fraud, prosecutions, kidnappings and scandals. Brazil and the United States requested the end of power to the military (that’s irony for you). Former Presidents Oviedo, Stroessner and Macchi have unfortunately remained difficult tom extradite and they are relatively unknown figures in the West who were destructive towards Paraguayan glory and stability.

The future? Paraguay must adapt immediately or else it will be too late. European dominance must be avoided. Gamara (the Captain) seems capable of stopping England and Sweden. One draw and a good win against Trinidad & Tobago will just about do it. Paraguay battle like crazy against Brazil and Argentina. Can they continue the trend?

Bottomless pit ranking? War is over in Paraguay. These men of incredible pride are determined to win and have on the last two occasions got out of their group. Paraguay if eliminated will hit the Reeperbahn in Berlin and head to the Tresor Club and burn it down!