France

The French are a worried bunch – but not like a bunch of girls as Thierry Henry would tell us. The last World Cup so fresh in their minds was a major disaster. A World Cup winner from 1998 returning to their next championship in 2002 and they failed to score a single goal. Farcical. It makes you realise how worried they are this time round. But coach Domenech is quite simply a dickhead and it’s what the French don’t need. Deep down Hector Coupet hopes Fabien Barthez screws up because Barthez should not be number 1 goalkeeper – there’s already been a bust up or two. Ludovic Giuly wasn’t even contacted by the coach to tell him he was left out. Giuly was so impressive in the Champions League it’s a disgrace he’s not playing at the World Cup. Leaving football politics behind is never easy in France. Leaving historical politics behind is an even harder chore.

France has always been at the centre of Europe but it was the Germanic tribe The Franks, who occupied France so long ago, well a little after the fall of the Roman Empire. France is basically returning back to their German roots just like England. France’s history has been an active one in terms of occupation, control, abuse, war and killing. Looking back to the Roman occupation, The Gauls lost control yet raided quite a few of the Roman armies. Christianity took over France where everyone had to be pious and follow the Gospels – Christianity became the country’s law. If you didn’t follow you risked heresy and a death whilst burning at a stake or they might drown you. France participated in the Crusades as some nutters went the whole distance to the holy land to be told to sod off back to Europe. France like England had its dynasty of Kings who ruled the lands for 7 centuries and forced unification, but not with Britain, I mean Henry V may have won at Agincourt but the French eventually drove the Brits out of the country. The Royal Crown leadership lived dangerously with the people. There were financial disasters where colonies were lost in India, the West Indies and North America. The French even wanted to help the USA defeat Britain. Eventually after a long period of economic disaster all hell broke loose in 1792 with the storming of the Bastille. The French Revolution ended it all where King Louis XVI and his wife Marie Antoinette were beheaded by the easy-to-use guillotine. Many other French loving monarchists went to their deaths believing that the Royal road was the way to go – it wasn’t. Napoleon Bonaparte led the new Republic (as Emperor no less) and he along with his armies couldn’t help going on a series of war campaigns. He had members of his own family take control of the lands he conquered. One reign of terror had replaced another.

Throughout the 19th century France swung from monarchy to republic to all out empire yet after the Franco-Prussian war of 1870 it was a republic again. Prior to all this France was a dominant (and demonic) colonial pioneer (especially in Africa) having a global empire second to Britain up to WWI. The French were rather good at trench warfare during the war. Germany attempted to control France in the two big wars but France with its skilful resolve thwarted German power on both occasions – with assistance both times from America. After the war French atrocities were never too far away as General Charles de Gaulle involved the French in bitter struggles with Indochina and plenty of terror with its major colony Algeria. Bloodshed and murder were never to far away.

France is the most visited country in the whole wide world but seldom do New Zealanders set foot on the Eiffel Tower given that the French secret service sunk the Greenpeace ship The Rainbow Warrior. The French apologised for the death of one person – no less. It was a total sham. The French have never hidden behind the fact that they like to blow up atomic bombs in the Pacific Ocean. France have always been keen about treaties but it’s not enough to stop French farmers from demonstrating as they continue to be treated as second class citizens. Other issues in the country centre on how massive the unemployment problem is. They have immense troubles with immigration. All that is fostered in France is market development and increases in defence spending. We also can’t forget the most recent street riots by predominantly Muslim and African youths. It’s not all pretty cafes, the Mona Lisa and patisseries in the French countryside.

The future? They play the Swiss first and may not score in this one. Korea will resist long and hard. Togo is France’s best chance to have players sent off as frustration will get to them. Here’s hoping Barthez spazzes and is seen as the ‘has-been’ he should be and Domenech gets kicked out.
Bottomless pit ranking? France loves nothing more these days by slinking away from all that they left behind in their colonial days. The former African nations colonised by France live on to tell their tales of occupation and the expense it had with their cultures. How ironic that the French are more and more ‘occupied’ by people from their former colonies and they are rather troublesome at that! Roll on trouble.