English Parliamentary League (EPL)

Tony Blair faces axe.

Tony Blair’s nine year rein as manager of New Labour F.C. may be about to come to an end. A string of poor results has seen the once revived club and former champions finish the 2005-06 season dangling above the relegation zone, with only the results of other final-day matches preventing the trap door from opening. Blair’s NLFC, needing at least a point for survival, slumped to a third consecutive home defeat, taking a 0-3 battering to David Cameron’s Conservatives, a team that had not beaten New Labour away since 1992s general election victory. New Labour finished 472 councillors lower than last season in the final league standing and only managed to avoid a drop to the Nationwide Opposition Conference through the inability of Sir Menzies Campbells to lift Liberal Democrat Albion into a run of consistent form. Campbell, who took over the management position from Charles Kennedy late last year, was expected to lift the Lib Dems to a mid table position. LDA who started promisingly under Campbell, ultimately failed to obtain more than 13 seats in the whole season. NLFC also suffered a notorious and bad tempered 0-1 home defeat against universal arch-rivals BNP in April, a result blamed on Margaret Hodge whose poor defending and subsequent red card allowed the Barking-based club to take the three points. Blair’s stubborn belief in Hodge’s ability had already angered many sections of supporters, particularly the hard-line and Euro-sceptic Cool Britannia’s.

Blair, once hailed as the new Brian Clough, led NLFC to a record winning season in 1997 and promised to take English football back into Europe after the barren Thatcher years. However, Blair’s reputation began to slide drastically when he took a second-string squad to the Middle East for the Imperialist Cup in March 2003. His serious underestimation of the Iraqi opposition resulted in a famous loss and a hammering from the press. Blair’s response was to drop Geoff ‘Buffoon’ Hoon as Defence Minister, but it was all too late. His persistent use of the unfit John Prescott as lone striker and his infamous falling out with captain and mid field play maker Alistair Campbell, who has since joined Celtic, has slowly eroded away fan and boardroom support.

The club have not commented publicly on their intentions, but with the inter season period ahead and the opening of the transfer window pending, it is almost certain that Blair will be axed. Ladbrokes have given the best odds for assistant manager Gordon Brown to take over the helm, but a bid for another manager may not be out of the question as post World Cup manager shuffles begin. The other season-end casualty was George Galloway’s Respect who return to the lower divisions where they belong.